Shorts Is Short for Climax

My kids often ask me why they’re allowed to watch YouTube videos but not Shorts. My answer is simple: Shorts are banned in this household. That doesn’t actually explain anything, of course. But then again, I don’t need to break down the neuroscience of cocaine to know it shouldn’t be on the breakfast table.

The defense I hear from Shorts (or TikTok, or Reels) enthusiasts always follows the same script:

When you first start TikTok you might be presented with a wave of seemingly crap, bizarre or boring videos, but after several minutes of liking and watching the good stuff the algorithm very quickly starts serving you some excellent content.

And what is "gold," exactly? It’s a video that hooks you in under five seconds. Imagine your favorite movie. Now cut everything except the climax—no buildup, no tension, just the explosive payoff, right out of the gate. Your heart rate spikes. Then, ten seconds later, another video starts, and it has five seconds to make you feel that same high again. And again. And again.

Do this long enough, and the rest of life starts to feel like a buffering wheel. Movies drag. Books feel like homework. Even conversations become a test of endurance. Because why listen to your friend’s slow-mo vacation recap when you could be mainlining another hit of guy pranks his roommate with a fake spider? The world isn’t built for this kind of instant gratification, so you adapt. You watch Shorts while eating, while working, while pretending to listen. The climax is all that matters, and everything else is just dead air waiting to be skipped.

This isn’t just about wasted time. It’s about rewiring what we consider "entertaining," "engaging," or even "tolerable." When every piece of media is a fireworks finale, the absence of explosions feels like boredom. When every joke has to land in three seconds or less, a slow-burn punchline becomes a drag. And when your brain gets used to constant, effortless climaxes, the mundane—the human—parts of life start to feel like a slog.

So yes, Shorts are banned here. Not because I’m a luddite, but because I’ve seen what happens when the brain gets too comfortable with endless, context-free crescendos. Some things should take time. Some payoffs should require patience. And some videos—sorry, kids—just aren’t worth the cost of admission.